Practically every day people write to me asking for advice. I don’t really know why they ask ME. I mean, sure, if you need advice like – Should I listen to Rush Limbaugh or Larry Elder on my vodka coffee break? or How can I incorporate about 14 more hours of talk radio into my day? – I’m totally your girl.
Wait…unless…hmm…do you think they ask me because I seem so smart and pretty and sophisticated and sexy and way less popular (and, therefore, more likely to respond, than Amy Dickinson)? Yeah, that’s probably it.
So anyway…here’s a sampling of this week’s letters.
Dear Jen,
Should I lay out by the pool for like two and half hours, wearing nothing but a bikini and a little SPF 4 dry tanning oil?
Pale&Loathing in Mar Vista
Dear Pale,
No. You should absolutely NOT do this. Unless you want to spend all day at work feeling like your bra is trying to kill you.
Dear Jen,
I want to get this guy at the butcher shop to notice me. Should I dye my hair blond?
Non-Exotic-Looking Chick With Light Brown Hair from Studio City
Dear Non-Exotic,
Yes. 90% of men only date Asian women. The other 10% only date blondes. It’s really your only option. Also…butcher shop? Are you writing from 1967, baby? Well…say hi to Sam for me!
Dear Jen,
Should I start a blog about a really obscure topic that most people think is boring?
iheartbusinessbooksandbrusselsprouts.com from the Internet
Dear Brussel,
Well, you could do that. And it might work out for awhile. But there may come a day when you find yourself posting fake advice letters your 95th brussel sprout recipe and you’ll say to yourself – You?! You think YOU are a writer?! Pfft.
