Five Things I Super Wish Were True

One
I super wish Marc Germain and Gloria Allred had a smoking hot fling the summer when Marc was like 19 and Gloria was like 45. Gloria would give him secret sips of her margarita at Casa Vega and then they would drive over to the Best Western on Sepulveda and the 101 where they would make love and listen to Dr. Demento on the clock radio.

Two
I super wish Bill Carroll caught Robin Bertolucci smuggling illegal perfume and nylons and chocolate into the United States from Canada. And that he promised not to turn her in if she gave him a show on KFI. And also twice a year she has to go back to Canada and stock up on fishnet stockings for Bill’s wife. (And, secretly, for Bill too.)

Three
I super wish Doug McIntyre sits there at night talking to these low-end old men and old women from Alabama and thinks to himself – EFF! I’m an effing graduate of effing Stonehill College and an effing award-winning writer! I’m Doug effing McIntyre! Why do I have to sit here in the middle of the night talking to these dopes?!

Four
I super wish KFI deferred to me in all programming decisions. (Hey, this is my wish list – I can wish for anything I want. Also, I’d like a very painful massage and a glass of unsweetened iced tea. Please.)

Five
I super wish George Noory participated in a totally secret celebrity chess enthusiast chatroom during Coast to Coast. So when he’s talking to Richard C. Hoagland and Linda Moulton Howe, he’s simultaneously IMing with Chris Hardwick and Mo Rocca and the guy from Jane’s Addiction about the Sicilian Defense.

Pink’s and Red Eye

This is one of my earliest Brian Whitman memories.

Brian was scheduled to fill in for Doug McIntyre after Mr. KABC’s show. Mr. KABC takes this call from Brian on the air…

Brian: Mr. KABC, I’m at Pink’s and I’d like to know what you want me to get you.
Mr. K: That’s nice of you, but nothing for me, thanks.
Brian: Nonono, I’d like to get you something.
Mr. K: Really, Brian. I’m fine, you don’t need to get me anything.
Brian: ………I, I, I, I’m going to get you something.

I know, it’s a nothing story, really. But it’s momentous because here are two of my favorite radio personalities of all time on the actual, real radio like it’s nothing. Like talk radio isn’t about to collapse.

In the years that follow, Mr. K will be forced out of KABC and fired (OK, “not resigned”) at KTLK, Brian Whitman will leave KABC and get fired from KLSX, and Doug McIntyre will get fired from KABC.

Depression city.

But, hey, things are looking up for these studs.

Doug McIntyre’s Red Eye Radio is back on KABC nightly in Los Angeles.
Mr. K (Marc Germain) is back on KABC as the weekend Red Eye Radio host.
Brian Whitman is back with his own podcast – A Very Special Brian Whitman podcast – on Hot Talk LA.

Happy.

(Um, why does this post have no title?)

So since I’ve been busy being a super sexy single mom on a budget, in a Mad Men-Dexter-Californication coma and reading yet ANOTHER book about the wives of Henry VIII, I’ve missed blogging about some of the important talk radio news.

The Another Bill Handel Show Flames Out

Hahaha

OK, that was childish. But seriously, that show got boring-er and boring-er every day it aired. And it started out pretty boring.

Return of Doug McIntyre’s Red Eye Radio

RER is a talk radio institution. Finding the podcast, however, took a little digging. Here’s the feed. (Copy the URL; go to iTunes; go to Advanced > Subscribe to Podcast; Paste the URL; click OK)

ACE Broadcasting Network

Loving the Parent Experiment with Teresa Strasser and Lynette Carolla. I’ll likely not listen to Car Cast, Spider and the Henchman, Daves of Thunder, et al. but I think it’s AWESOME that they exist. Go Adam.

I heart Doug McIntyre, Rob Marinko, and Brian Whitman

Lots of really good news on the talk radio front today…

* Doug McIntyre is returning to Red Eye Radio! Monday-Friday 12am-3am 790 KABC in Los Angeles.

* Rob Marinko is filling in for award-winning journalist Dan Avey tonight on Talk Radio One. (Dan will be creepily celebrating 50 years in radio. Congrats, Dan!)

* Brian David Whitman returns as a guest on show #181 of the Pretty Good Podcast!!! (I’m so happy 2010 Randy decided to forgive 2009 Brian.)

In the bleak midwinter

OK, who’s bored yet? I am. I have…let’s see…NO new podcasts on my iPod. Thank goodness for all the high quality literature I’m reading on my new Kindle. (Shhh…please don’t tell my NerdPR friends I’m reading this crap.)

But I have managed to scrounge up some other holiday recommendations for you guys.

Pretty Good Podcast Christmas Special

What a special treat – gift exchange, holiday songs, Aunt Edna – it doesn’t get better than this. Good job, Randy and Gina!!

Marc Germain back live this week

BTW, remember when Tootie suddenly decided she wanted people to call her by her real name – Dorothy? It didn’t work. Because it’s just weird. That’s how I feel calling Mr. KABC Marc. Just weird.

Anyway, Mr. K, Dan Avey, Dina Losito, even Rob Marinko and Sharon the Gossip Mom, are all back live tonight on Talk Radio One.

KFI fill-in hosts

Gary Hoffman in for Bill Handel in the morning, Wayne Resnick in for Bill Handel in the afternoon, and Tim Conway, Jr. (the sexiest man in talk radio) in for John and Ken. Awesome.

(Do you think we can we get someone to fill in for Bryan Suits?)

Doug McIntyre in for Joe Scarborough

Monday – Wednesday this week 10pm-midnight on KABC. (I think I like these fill-in hosts way better than the originals.)

This American Life – A Very Special Sedaris Christmas

A rerun but enjoyable nonetheless. Some classic David Sedaris Christmas tales, a holiday letter read by Julia Sweeney, and why A Christmas Carol sucks.

We eat what we can and what we can’t we can

Or, the oldest news that’s fit to print.

OK, these recommendations aren’t exactly breaking news. But what’s a few days or weeks amongst friends? That’s why God  invented podcasts and online news archives. (No no, Al Gore only invented the Internet. I’m pretty sure God is responsible for everything else.)

Rob Marinko – If you have a major Rob Marinko jones, listen to the 11/24/09 episode of the Marc Germain show on Talk Radio One. Rob and Marc were in Las Vegas together (yes, AGAIN) and Rob sat in for a bit.

Frosty Stilwell – If you can’t let Thanksgiving pass without hearing Frosty’s infamous Thanksgiving joke, listen to the 11/30/09 episode of the KABC show. (BTW if you still can’t figure out how to listen to the KABC show online, see this compendium.)

Doug McIntyre – If you’re a little bit in love with Doug McIntyre, newspapers, and/or the English language, read his LA Daily News column.

I think I’ve exhausted my old man radio suggestions for today. I have to go watch Charles Kuralt now.