One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight

So…last week President Obama waited until around 8:00 PDT to make the Osama is dead announcement. Please note that 8:00 PDT is decidedly AFTER the Frosty Stilwell program is over and definitely DURING the Wayne Resnick program.

And this week, Frosty is absent from his show, with his time being split between Bryan Suits and Wayne Resnick.

Coincidence? I think not.

Conclusion? President Obama is not a Frosty fan.

I am SO buying the president a Heidi and Frank gift membership.

P.S. Could the Heidi and Frank Website be any harder to navigate? It’s so cluttered and it makes no sense. I can never find what I’m looking for.

Seriously?

Are you guys just effing with me with these continual “wayne resnick leaving kfi” Internet searches?

It’s giving me major anxiety and, believe me, I am already anxious enough. Why? Because. First, because my eyeshadow primer is trying to kill me. And also because the Marc Germain Show is taking two days off, I have to pay for fancy expensive summer camp next week, a sparkly gem fell off my cute bedazzled shoes, and I really, really need to go on vacation.

Anyway, I totally understand your Wayne Resnick googling jones. But instead of adding to my anxiety with your gloom and doom searches, can you pretty pretty please use these search terms instead?

wayne resnick kfi
wayne resnick is a huge stud
wayne resnick is very nice to cats and penguins
wayne resnick interesting clavicles
wayne resnick is the smartest man on earth and also venus and mercury but we’re still waiting for test results from a ‘rayne wesnick’ who lives on mars*

Thank you. You guys are the best!! Oh, and you also look super cute today.

*This is a stunningly specific search, but a good one nonetheless. Also, I heard this Rayne Wesnick once yelled at a puppy for eating all the pancakes. He sounds like a big jerk. So try not to fall for him. I think you’ll regret it.

Why Wayne Resnick Matters

by Jennifer Saunders

Before I tell you why Wayne Resnick matters, allow me to please apologize to Mr. Resnick, as I’m sure he’s grown weary of my ebullient and effusive outpouring of compliments. He really should tell me to shut up please. (But now I have to beg him to not actually do that because it will hurt my feelings. Please.) Just know that I know that you know that I know that you know. We know. We’re smart.

Phew. Now that that’s out of the way…

Wayne Resnick matters because he discusses Libyan rebels just as easily as he discusses Rebecca Black.

Wayne Resnick matters because he works in Søren Kierkegaard references during said Rebecca Black discussions.

Wayne Resnick matters because he forces you to, not only use Scandinavian letters in your blog post, but to spell Scandinavian correctly. Also, he forces you to Google the phrase, ‘o with a slash in it’ to 1) find out what that’s called 2) find out the keyboard shortcut for typing ø on a Mac.

FYI…it’s called an ø (who woulda figured?). Also, FYI…it’s option+o. Again, FYI…I’m really enjoying myself typing øøøøøøø over and over. Try it. See…isn’t it fun? I’m gønna start typing English øs like this just tø be alternative.

Peace øut.

Hi. I’m working.

It’s Sunday night. And, yes, I’m working. OK, fine. Technically I’m taking a break. You can time me. Ready? Go.

8:25pm

So yeah…I’m working and listening to Wayne Resnick. Just like the old days. I tweeted this earlier, but it bears repeating.

Damn…Wayne Resnick is the smartest and most insightful person I know.

And I think that’s all that needs to be said. Goodnight, studs.

8:29pm

#tigerblood

Yo. The following people have #tigerblood.

John Hodgman – Seriously. Have you been listening to his podcast? It’s so #winning that I have to save it up and only let myself listen to it on special occasions. Like when I’m radically depressed from watching this movie, even though I should have known better because when I read the book I was in such a depression coma that I had to…listen to John Hodgman? I’m pretty sure THIS* is the brand new circle of life.

Wayne Resnick – Is there something better than #tigerblood? Because if there is, Wayne has that instead. If you don’t believe me, look at this picture of him and try not to have tears fill your eyes. I’m pretty sure that’s the body’s autonomic response to viewing faces of perfection. And he likes cappuccinos. Which #animalswithbloodbetterthantigers looooooove.

Todd Wilson – Also known as Mr. Magnificent. I think he has #tigerblood? I mean, he makes me laugh. Does that count? Are #tigers funny? I’m also not totally sure what’s going on with his eyebrows. Do #tigers have eyebrows? Let’s agree to table this one for now. #tigerbloodstatusuncertain

*See what I did there? I was writing about John Hodgman, a man who LOVES all-caps words and I ALL-CAPPED the word ‘this.’ Get it? Hey! I think maybe I have #tigerblood! Huh? OK, fine. #dorkblood.

Though this be madness, yet there is method in’t

So…last week I told you I was in love. And, if there’s one thing I learned from Rick Dees, it’s to always pay off your teases. Please read the following excerpt from my diary.

Dear diary, et al.,

Then, dear diary, I knew I had no choice but to give in. And he kissed me as he’s never kissed me before, and I…sank into nothingness.

Of course, by ‘kiss’ I mean that I listened to his podcast. And by ‘sank into nothingness’ I mean I feel like his hand has gone down my throat and grabbed my heart and squoze it.

By ‘his’ I mean John Hodgman.

We’re totally in love.

Though it should be noted that by ‘we’ I mean I’m in love with him and he doesn’t know I exist. And by ‘love’ I mean love.

OK fine, I mean love in the hyperbolic way people refer to a feeling of intense attraction to the essence of another’s being combined with a profound lust for that person’s soul. (Obviously negated by the fact that we’ve never met.) Can we just agree to call that love? It’s way easier to type.

Because I place a high value on sharing that which is wonderful in this world with you, I am willing to share my new lover with you. (No, not like that. Also, please get your mind out of the gutter.)

In his podcast, Judge John Hodgman settles such paramount disputes as ‘Are machine guns robots?’ and ‘Do parentheses have a place in fiction?’ The episodes are short, yet fraught with such wit and intelligence that you come away a better person for listening.

Judge Hodgman, or ‘John’ as I affectionately call him (he likes it when I call him that), is completely charming and seductive in his dispensing of justice. His delivery is brilliant, engaging, and playful. Very Wayne Resnicky. (In the best way.)

Please listen. You’re welcome.

We have to write an essay on Stanley Miles.

When my son was seven years old, he spent his Christmas money on a box set of NASA DVDs. He cherished them, insisting they be kept locked in a fireproof safe when not in use. For months he would tell me, “It was so nice of NASA to make these DVDs!!! I’m just SO thankful!!!”

It’s that kind of simple and innocent gratitude we should all have this time of year.

So in addition to being super thankful to NASA for their totally awesome DVDs, I’m also thankful for…

Jen Andrews from TBTL for writing:  If you don’t get why Harry Potter matters, I would remind you that Dobby is a free elf, that “expelliarmus” is the spell used by someone who knows that love is always the answer, and that Percy can always come home.

Trader Joe’s for the sweet potato fries. And the pumpkin butter.

Steve Martin for joining Twitter and for writing another book. Oh, and for tweeting about Leo Laporte. More than once.

Dina Losito and Barry from Omaha for the alternate show during the show.

Randy Wang and Tim Conway, Jr. for the awesomest promos in talk radio.

My MacBook because…obviously.

Adam Shankman for loving dance.

Kelly Dylla and Suzanne Boxdorfer for making the symphony so much fun this summer. #pstweetcert

Wayne Resnick for taking care of us on holidays. And also, just because.

And, of course, everyone who reads I Heart Talk Radio. You guys are all major studs and hot chicks!

Sounds good to me

New weekend lineup at KFI…

Saturday 7-10 Phil Hendrie

Sunday 4-7 Frost Stillwell

Sunday 7-10 Wayne Resnick

By the way, what kind of Phil Hendrie are we getting these days? Anyone know?

Labor Day? More like Super Awesome Day

So what are you doing tomorrow? Sleeping in? Going to the beach? Partying with your cousins? Neighborhood barbecue and last-minute haircuts and back to school shopping?

Well this is what I’m doing and what you should do too, if you want to be cool like me.

What? I’m cool. I’m not a repressed English major who spends too much time listening to talk radio and not enough time getting her belly button pierced and going to Cancun. Sheesh!

So tomorrow…

5-9am  Wayne Resnick fills in for Bill Handel on KFI

9-12pm  Marc Germain fills in for Frosty, Heidi and Frank on KABC

12-3pm  Um…I don’t know. Bill Carroll’s on for an extra hour on KFI if you’re into him. I’ll probably read by the pool.

3-7pm  Conway and Steckler fill in for John and Ken on KFI

7pm-bedtime  It’s all about Don Draper, Dexter Morgan and Mikael Blomkvist.

Oh, and probably a little chocolate with sea salt. And wine.

Fine, fresh, fierce

So, everyone knows I heart Wayne Resnick. It’s a long-standing heartship. I can barely recall a time that I did not listen to his show on KFI.

And because Randy and Gina seem to be infiltrating KFI (in a good way), they recently had Wayne as a guest on the Pretty Good Podcast. (Episode #303) Such a great show – you gotta listen to it.

Wayne talked about how he broke into the radio business by composing an unsolicited theme song for Joe Crummey and Randy played all the theme songs Wayne wrote for the various Conway and Whitman/PGP podcasts.

In a ‘cobbler’s son has no shoes’ kind of way, I thought that maybe someone should write a theme song for Wayne. And that person should NOT be me.

I’d love to and everything but I’m self-aware enough to realize I’m no Katy Perry***. I mean, yeah – if you need someone to write you some super sexy and awesome user manuals for your software application, I’m totally your girl. (Gurl?) But music and clever rhyming schemes aren’t my strength.

Oh wait! Wayne already wrote a bunch of cool theme songs for now-defunct podcasts. Why can’t I just use one of those and change the lyrics? Like a Recycle – Reduce – Reuse thing. I AM pro-environment after all.

OK, it won’t be as good as Wayne’s but – really – what could be?

Wayne Resnick Theme

To the tune of the Conway and Whitman Bodcast Theme (Standard or Alternative edition) by Wayne Resnick

Resnick is talented as hell

Obama black or white

Every Saturday night

Wayne has got a secret job

All we’ll ever know is his cat’s got a blog

It’s Wayne-o Resnick

Effin stud doing those fill-ins for you

Wayne-o Resnick

Come on everyone let’s play the Heavy Petting tune

Resnick then Punnett

Blotter Time

Nothing else rhymes

It’s Wayne-o Resnick

Without him we’d be screwed

Without him we’d have to listen to Handel

***Did you know if you google heroes born in california the #1 result is Katy Perry? It’s true. And disturbing.